So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
