I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
