"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
