after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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