to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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