she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize