is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
