Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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