Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He better not be in your backpack
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
