Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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