wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
