So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
