I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
