the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
