also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
how does that bad decision feel?
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