If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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