fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize