I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
