I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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