I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
