pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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