You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
50% drunk capacity currently
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
