Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
