i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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