I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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