come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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