Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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