His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
