dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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