She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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