Screwed.edu
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
