My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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