OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
