I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
