Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
