is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
