listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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