it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
