i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
