Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize