My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
