She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
