My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
