remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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