I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize