Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
