I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
