watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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