During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How's work?
Spinning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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