Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
