I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did you just see the Batmobile???
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
