On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
