Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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