i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
