Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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