Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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