i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
