And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
