I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
