Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
