Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
