strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
