New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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