if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
