Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
