i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have aggressive nipples.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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