i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
