He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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