you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
